by Henry CruzFor Papi Abel, my SuperheroThe hardest thing for me in life is to stay strong. Quitting is the easy part that leaves a permanent scar. But how can I stay strong without my biggest support system? That was my uncle Abel or as I called him “Papi Abel”. I have both parents in my life, but when I was younger they would always work early and could not take care of me until late afternoon so they would leave my brother and me with my aunt and uncle. I called my uncle my dad as a term of respect and acknowledgment that he raised me. His two sons and two daughters became my brothers and sisters because of the love and support they have always given me. Their mom has become my mom because of the unconditional she has given me—like Papi Abel. I remember being younger and he would take my siblings and me to Toys R’ Us because it brought him great joy to see our faces light up with a new toy that he would buy for us. During my teen years, in which I became rebellious and stayed out late, he would never get mad at me but try to understand. He made sure anywhere I went or anything I did, had to be with reason. There was never a time where he would yell at me, my brother or my sisters. If anything, he would be upset with himself. However, to him, his family was his happiness which made it difficult for him to stay upset. I noticed I became more attached to him when I had surgery for my appendix and I was not able to move without help. He would wake up in the middle of the night to help me with any little thing such as get me a cup of water, make sure I was covered with blankets or had enough pillows and he would tell me the pain was only temporary. The days he took care of me, I was out of work for a while because I could not do any physical work so I would spend my days with him. Anywhere he would go, I would go with him. He would make sure I did not lift a finger till I was better. My Papi Abel was my biggest support system because he was so understanding and so reasonable. Anything that came his way, he would make the best of it. He was never a violent person and preferred to spend his days with his family rather than going out with friends. Till this day, I will never understand how a person can pour their entire soul, love, and energy into someone without wanting anything in return. Because of him, I no longer consider hate as one of my emotions. How could I “hate” when there is so much in life to appreciate and love? Becoming so hateful towards something or someone becomes exhausting. Being loving and appreciative for the people and things in your life creates a stronger self-reliance and a stronger relationship with those around you. From the moment he discovered he had kidney cancer, he embraced it with a smile and told my brothers and sisters and me that everything will be okay. He knew the consequences behind it, yet was ready to face them with a full heart. I could only imagine the feelings he was bottling inside. His TRUE feelings were vague and hidden behind his amazing smile. The days in the hospital, only praying for survival were the hardest. At the time, I was attending school, working part time and I was driving around with just a permit. I was not an expert driver but I had to pick up on it quick so I could visit my uncle and take my aunt to see him. In addition, he left me responsible for moving his car for street parking despite being a rookie at driving. Till this day, I still hold his car keys in his honor. He used to take me to school, to work or even to accompany him for his own errands. At times, I catch myself day dreaming of us going for one more car ride…anywhere. I imagine him picking me up in his blue ford expedition and asking me to get in so we could go somewhere. I can still hear his voice clearly in my head as if he became my personal conscience. When I am alone at night heading home, I feel as if the moon is a representation of his smile to let me know he is always with me. During my toughest times and when I need him the most, he was always there. He was my real-life superhero. Anything he did, he did it with a smile. I did not know all the problems in his life but when he told me some of them, he would tell me everything will be okay. Every dream that I have of him, I write down so I will never forget. My sister reminds me to live by his words because although is he physically gone, whatever we do, he is doing with us. However, when I think about it more deeply, I try to put myself in his shoes. When him and my father left Mexico to come to the United States, I can only imagine the emotional pain and sacrifices they made for us to have a better life. And I never want to let that sacrifice go in vain. I embrace it in remembrance of him and that he never gave up on me, so how can I give up on him? My Papi Abel gave up everything he knew in order to come to a country where he did not know anything and with very little money in his pocket. When I remember the most recent memories of us smiling and laughing, it brings me some comfort because I was blessed to have a person who was so pure of love. I was so blessed to have had him play the role of a father, other half, guidance and best friend. For my family, he has also played that role for his own children, my brothers and sisters. Every time we were around him, time froze. Every time he would make us laugh, our problems no longer existed. All the hugs he would give us took us to another world of peace. When I remember his voice, his presence is near me. When I feel the need to give up, his love carries the negativity away. I long for the day when I will see him again. My mind becomes flooded with memories of him and I drown. My sister always reminds me of a quote that she read in a book that states “it is your blood running through my veins, tell me how I am supposed to forget”. I fight this emotional pain of missing him every day. I can never forget him because of how much love he gave me. He has taught me don’t cry to give up but cry to keep going. Despite actually having my biological father in my life, he would also take on that role whenever my dad was absent. When I would call him dad in front of my biological father, there was no awkwardness or insults, but only mutual respect. They both understood the bond I have with each one of them. My Papi Abel has taught me how a true man should be, a true gentleman: loving, polite, respectful, ambitious, determined, hopeful, and overall, humble. The scar I have from his departure will never heal because I spend the rest of my days missing him. I continued to learn more about his illness and discovered an orange ribbon represents patients who unfortunately did not survive kidney cancer. I wear an orange bracelet on my right wrist representing the cancer he had. The color itself now has become embedded into my beliefs. I feel as if I represent my superhero. If I had one last thing to tell him, I would tell him that I will not let him down. I would also tell him thank you for being a big part of my life and for giving me pure love and thank you for creating a stronger relationship I have with my brothers and sisters. No matter how much it hurts, I will continue to make him proud until I see him again.
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by Kevin TranI remember when I was younger; I was told that we don’t forgive people because we are weak but because we are strong enough to acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes. There is not much I can really say about forgiveness, but I can tell you what it is not.
We really do not understand what forgiveness is because there is not specific way in which we forgive and nothing will truly ever decide what it is, but it is up to us to figure it out ourselves. Personally, I believe that when we forgive, we are able to release any hurt that we have dealt with. Relinquishing ourselves of this hate will only lead us to living a better life and most importantly, a happy one. I can tell you that I have been on both sides of this and things can turn out not as you intended but it is something that you have to live with. Recently, my best friend and I were not on speaking terms for a couple of months. Things were said that should not have been said and unfortunately it led to anger on both sides. Recently we started speaking and now we are closer than ever. I cannot tell you how it happened and what led to it. I believe that forgiveness is something that everyone should practice because to hold this hurt inside can damage you. I am not speaking about physical damage but more emotional and mental. When we hold this particular emotion in and bottle it inside of us it can eat us alive from the deepest part of our mind and soul. Being that I am a Forensic Psychology major, it is important to highlight the importance of forgiveness and mental health. When we hold on to grudges it can build up our stress levels which can strain our minds. When we forgive, we are able to develop better coping skills with stress and benefit us. Since it is a mental process for us to make this conscious decision to forgive others, we are letting go of negative feelings, which in turn lead us to living a happier lifestyle. Forgiveness is a learning process and in these instances we learn about who we are. By being able to do so, we become a stronger individual physically, mentally, and emotionally. Even though certain things may seem unforgivable, we must find the will to able to move past it. Therefore, I will end as I began with this quote: "we don’t forgive people because we are weak but because we are strong enough to acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes. by Jordan DelesparraLiving with an addict can teach you a lot about forgiveness. Upon graduating high school, my family and I discovered that my older brother, J-, was abusing painkillers. For the months leading up to our discovery, the chief complaint around the house was that money was constantly missing from our wallets or emergency stockpiles. My mother, father, oldest brother, and myself each had money stolen from us on various occasions. By process of elimination, we quickly determined that it was J- who was stealing. I remember confronting J- multiple times about the money that was taken from my wallet. Any approach I took, whether gentle or aggressive, he always denied having stolen any money. He would even scream at me that he was telling the truth. I could tell that something was off with him, although I didn’t suspect drug addiction. I had known he smoked marijuana frequently, but didn’t know about anything else. I remember specifically sitting at the dinner table one night, as a family, and noticing that his pupils were extremely small. I even made a remark to him about his eyes. For months and months he had hidden his addiction very well. He was a master of deceit. The situation escalated around the time of my high school graduation party. The majority of family members gave me either cash or checks as a gift. I was being cautious and decided to hide all of the money in an envelope under my mattress. A few days later I noticed that two of the checks I was given were missing. The checks were from both of my grandmothers; so I reached out to each of them and had them track their checks. I assumed my brother had taken them from me. Interestingly enough, J- had changed my name on the checks to his (both of our names being with the letter J and contain 6 letters) and cashed them. He made $250 dollars on behalf of my graduation. I felt so infuriated and hurt. My brother’s battle with addiction lasted more than three years. When my family and I intervened initially, he was clean for a few months, but eventually relapsed. He asked for help at one point after that, which is when my parent’s sent him to a facility upstate for a 30-day rehabilitation program. Unfortunately, he relapsed again shortly after completing the program. It seems as if he was never actually clean during this time. Drugs turned J- into the ultimate con artist. I didn’t even recognize my own brother. His actions, all of the stealing, made me develop strong feelings of anger and dislike towards him. For a while I found it difficult to trust J-. He put my family and me through some very challenging obstacles. To this day my father still doesn’t trust him completely. My father has gone as far as patting J- down before letting him into his house. As part of his repent, J- had paid my parents back in small increments (he had stolen much more from them, including valuable objects which he sold). In my opinion, gaining the money back did not negate any of the things J- did, nor did it solve his addiction problem, but I suppose it was a way for him to assume some responsibility for his actions. I don’t know whether I consciously decided to forgive my brother or if my feelings of anger and dislike towards him just slowly subsided. However, I have never been the kind of person who holds grudges. Unlike my father, I don’t hold J-‘s addiction against him. I understand that my brother wasn’t himself; his addiction made him go to unimaginable lengths that he never would have considered in a clear state of mind. I also believe that not forgiving someone, or maintaining anger towards someone is not affecting him/her, but rather yourself and your own state of peace. My main concern was for J- to get clean and remain clean. By forgiving him, by letting go of all the harmful things he had done, I was helping him get better. So, forgiveness, in my opinion, allows one to remain peaceful and it establishes a positive well-being. If I had not forgiven my brother, I would have remained an angry and negative individual who has difficulty trusting others.
by Katherine SantanaYou stemmed from a wound
as deep as the cosmos. An endless wave of pain and despair, accompanied by nothing more than hatred You became the root of a tree… You decided to transform. You decided to release. You decided to forgive. And you decided to let go. You became the root of a tree… Providing nourishment for the sorrow and relief for the wounded. You created an eternal world, for room to grow. You provide nutrients. That feathers growth rather than destruction, and became the root of all possibilities. You became the root of a tree… Allowing development rather than hindrance, repair rather than injury, and growth rather than stagnation. by Giselle RamirezIf this letter makes it to the past, I want to ask for your forgiveness. I am you from the future. I will hate you for a while, but now I regret the days I called you stupid. I know now that you are not stupid, you were scared and that is okay. You are only sixteen, how could I have expected you to take care of a situation beyond your control? You did not have the strength or the knowledge at the time to understand the difference between love and abuse. You have not told anyone, not yet at least, but we both know you are hurting. I want to confirm your suspicions about his tantrums and his threats to self-harm. I want to assure you that his emotional wounds are not your obligation to seal. You will never be able to save him from his trauma, so do not let him blame you for that. You will not leave the relationship anytime soon because you do not know how to. However, you want to leave. But he won't let you; and it is not because he loves you. It is because he knows he does not have anyone else but you. However, you still care enough to not leave, but you also do not know how to navigate a situation like this, you have never been in love before. I’m writing this for two reasons. The first is to remind you that you are not at fault for any of his behavior and you are worth so much more than you think. Additionally, do not try to justify his emotional abuse just because you cannot see the physical scars. Do not try to make your experience less than others because you think others have it worst. You still matter. I want to assure you that you will be okay. I know you feel like this is as good as it gets, but that’s not true. Do not settle because he tells you are not good enough for anyone else. Trust me, you are more than enough. You deserve better and you should not let his insecurities get in the way of that. The second reason I am writing is to assure you that you are doing fine. Take a deep breath and enjoy your senior year of high school. You only get one senior year, so do not waste it. You will go to college, I promise, so stop worrying. I forgive you for spending all your time preparing for more work when in reality you will be more than prepared. You will make awesome friends and make many great memories. The last thing, I know you were worried about staying in New York and you were scared I would be upset with you. But I am not. I am very happy because you will have the chance to meet Him. He will remind you every day that you and your jokes are amazing. I know it sounds too good to be true, but he exists! So, follow these instructions, I will definitely never forgive you if you mess this up! I took too long to realize this the first time, so when you meet him do not hesitate. The Friday after you go to the museum, it will be raining, and he will walk you to the train station and agree to go to dinner. Forget everything and everyone else. Go to dinner with him! I am hoping that this piece of the future will let you forgive me more easily.
Love, Giselle Ramirez by Henry CruzSociety has created many clichés to deal with any situation such as “that’s life”, “things happen for a reason” and even more vaguely, “forgive and forget”. But what does that necessarily mean to forgive and forget? Forgetting can easily be explained as not thinking about what happened. This is where explaining forgiveness becomes complex yet vital towards an individual’s feelings. Forgiveness means to accept. It means to accept one’s actions and mistakes despite the outcome of a situation. Forgiveness comes in two perspectives: being the forgiver and being the forgiven. To begin, the person who forgives is often faced with the burden of dealing with their own emotions while accommodating the emotions of the other person. People often say to forgive means being the better person which is another one of society’s clichés to bring false comfort. Sometimes a person does not want to forgive someone for a wrongdoing, which is fine but we are humans and we’re born with feelings. We feel angry, we feel sad, we feel happy, we feel betrayed but none of that is taken into consideration when a person is asking for forgiveness. In my opinion, I find it difficult to forgive someone if they have betrayed me or given me any false thoughts about them and the way they think of me. Although I can tell them I forgive them, it is not the truth. I find it difficult to forgive because sometimes I feel whatever their mistakes are, I would not have done to them as they’ve done to me. The best way I work around forgiveness is to replace it with isolation. Rather than “forgive and forget” I choose to move myself away from the problem and feelings. On the other hand, to ask for forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do. Comedian Emo Phillips stated, “I asked God for a bike but I know God doesn’t work that way, so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness”. Although he used this as a joke, I found it relatable. People ask for forgiveness when they make a mistake. Any mistake committed people want forgiveness right away. Wanting forgiveness comes after accepting the actions committed. In some ways, asking for forgiveness can be fine to ask for. For example, in a scenario where a person steals food from a supermarket. Although it is wrong to steal, the person might be stealing the food with the intention of feeding themselves and their family. Asking for forgiveness in that situation can be justified from good intentions. However, in another scenario where a person kills a crowd of people and then asks for forgiveness, it is not justified. It will be difficult to forgive what they have done because of the emotional pain that is embedded in one’s life. Forgiveness brings an emotional burden. Emotional pain is a long-term effect that does not have a specific healing period. One example I’ve had to deal with forgiveness is when I would fight with my brother when we I was about 8 years old. Sometimes, we would argue and say things that should not have been said and other times, it would get physical. In the moment, I feel like isolating myself from my brother. I do not wish him the worst but I don’t wish him the best because of how ugly the situation has gotten. However, I somehow find it in me to forgive him because of the role he has in my life. He is my brother that I can never replace. I justify is by thinking that’s what brothers do, they fight. At the end of the day, I have his back no matter what and he will always be my brother. Forgiveness varies. It is determined depending on who the person is and what the situation is. If it is a family member, oftentimes forgiveness can be justified and given because of the risks of not having a bond anymore with that person. However, if it is a friend, depending on how strong the relationship is, it determines if one is forgiven. Forgiveness is not easy. There has to be a specific time and place to ask for it. People often mistakenly ask for it right after a wrongdoing. The complications of asking for forgiveness is the feeling of not knowing what the person will say and the relationship after. I think the worst part is how the relationship could be after asking for forgiveness whether being given it or not. Does the person accept your apology? Do they accept your mistakes and forget? Or do they just accept it? Forgiveness comes in many perspectives that structure the bond between people. For me, forgiveness does not leave a relationship the same because there is always a doubt on the back of the person’s mind. We choose not to think about certain things, but when it does occur in our mind we choose not to speak about it in order to avoid any emotional pain.
I feel the phrase should go from “forgive and forget” to “forgive and accept”. To accept how the situation and relationship will be afterwards, to accept the consequences, and to accept with the feelings that come with forgiveness. It is easier said than done, but that is what makes us human. We contain all of these emotions that contribute to our decisions. When a personal matter is involved, our emotions are the pilot of our next move. Our emotions are so powerful that at times, we do not notice the outcome they have chosen for us. Forgiveness is not easy to ask for and not easy to give. It means accepting every factor of the situation. The significance of it is that it shows every person’s emotional strength to deal with this feeling. Personally, it takes a lot for me to forgive and it is not because I want to be mean, but it I find it difficult to accept every factor of it. How things will be afterwards is what scares me and makes me not want to forgive. by Ummer AliEverybody has a pattern to their lives. For me, year after year: school started in the fall, winter break came around, I refused to do my homework, and my parents yelled at me about that. It was just life. All of this was routine and there was no looking forward to it, and it just was. There was one thing I looked forward to every year; and that was Ramadan. Ramadan came around a little bit earlier every year (it follows the lunar calendar which is 10 days behind the traditional Gregorian calendar every year) but it always came with excitement, anxiety, happiness, celebration & a focus on finding a better version of me. Fasting during Ramadan is fardh (it’s an obligation). When someone fasts they’re not supposed to drink water, eat food, engage in sexual relations, and refrain from fighting, arguing, gossiping and cursing. For Muslims, Ramadan is the most holy month; the Quran was revealed to the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), and other religious scriptures were also revealed at the same time. As a kid, the joy around Ramadan always revolved around food. I grew up right across the street from a mosque that was traditionally Egyptian. Every year there would be a sign-up sheet for people to decide which day they would pay the mosque to bring food, or bring food of their own to open the fast for the hordes of people that would flock there for the Maghrib prayer, and after the prayer for the iftar (finally eating that delicious food you were waiting all day for). There were always a massive amount of Egyptian food, and from a young age I would help serve that food to the hungry hordes of angry old men. Walking through the mosque, smells of roasted chicken, lamb, bamya, & other traditional foods filled the empty space. The long hard days filled with hunger, thirsts, and fatigue, were always met with dates, and a cup of milk. Every day I white knuckled my way through school, just anticipating those sweet dates, and the amazing iftar that was waiting for me at the mosque. I loved food, and nothing has really changed, I still love food. As I got older, I began to use it more to focus more on learning more about the religion of Islam. I was always so curious about what i was devoting so much time to. In my attempts to learn during the lectures in between the Maghrib & Isha prayers, there were always disagreements among the Imam and between the people listening to the lectures. They were always arguing against what the Imam said and how what they knew was more correct than the scholars from around the world were saying. There was always one person who would do this, the rest listened up, and asked questions if they had any. Yet one guy would always argue that he obviously knew more than the Imam. Ramadan is a time of brotherhood, joy, and a spiritual journey, yet it affects all people differently.
In recent years, Ramadan has taken me on a spiritual journey. The fasting of food and drinks are tough enough, but to truly try to find peace during the month is difficult. With no food in my stomach, I am easily irritable, I already have a temper and the absence of food can send me off the deep end. It’s hard. I make strides each year. The spiritual fast is much tougher than the physical fast, it’s hard to try to emulate the principles of being kind hearted, removing anger, and for trying to remove the adversarial mindset that many New Yorkers are walking around with. Yet every year I get anxious for Ramadan to come around. To welcome a new Ramadan each year with my family, and close friends, is something I look forward to. Every year I learn something new about Islam, about my friends, about my family, about myself. Every year I try to take a little more Ramadan with me for the rest of the year. I try to take the peaceful mindset, the camaraderie, the religion, and the beautiful image of Islam with me everywhere I go. In the midst of Islamophobia; I wish people could see the beauty of a community coming together to take care of one another. by Fahim Mabud
In the 30 days of Ramadan, my family will give up most of their valuables such as food, water, technology, and other personal enjoyments. In that time they spend most of it in intense prayer and reading the holy book, the Quran. During the day, Muslim prays will be uttered five times. The first is before sunrise, Fajr. This ritual happens after they have their last meal before sunrise. The second, Zuhr, occurs in the early hours of the afternoon. The third, Asr, occurs in the later hours of the afternoon. The fourth, Maghrib, occurs during sunset and this is also the time in which the fasting period is over for the day. The fifth, Isha, occurs at dusk and is the final prayer before bedtime. In between the 5 prayer times, the older members of my family will set a large portion of their time to cite the Quran. Every Friday there is a special prayer that occurs during the early hours of the afternoon. During this time both Muslim men and women will set aside their work to gather in their homes of worship, a mosque. This ritual is called Jumma prayer. Jumma prayer does not occur only in the month of Ramadan but every Friday throughout the year. In the mosque the men and women sit in different sections. Before the Jumma prayer would start every mosque would often have a guest speaker to talk about a subject pertaining to Islam. This guest speaker will always be a male. Some of these subjects would often be life lessons that the speaker believes every Muslim should follow. After the speaker is done talking he or another male religious figure of the mosque will initiate the Jumma prayer. After Jumma prayer, everyone leaves the mosque to continue their work. As a child (from the ages of 5 to 10) I remember my father taking me to our local mosque during the month of Ramadan to pray the Jumma prayer. Being the child I was, I did not want to go because I did not want to sit in a room with other men listening to one man who would lecture about something that did not peak my interest. However, I remember one particular day when the guest speaker taught me something that I would never forget. Since this event happened a long time ago, I do not remember the name of the speaker and so from this point on, I will address him as Muhammad. Muhammad was a very old light brown man with a long white patchy beard and a hunched back. I remember him having glasses that made the shape of his nose appear large. Before he began Jumma prayer, Muhammad said he had one last advice to give and it was about family and forgiveness. He stated: “As a Muslim, we must remember that family is important to us. We will not always have the family that we have now. For many of you, it may be easy to hold a grudge and you may believe that it will never change. If you have a grudge with family then you will take it to your grave. If you wish to have a peaceful death I encourage you to set aside your quarrels and be the first one to forgive. In our faith, we must remember to forgive. It is hard and we may not want to but in the month of Ramadan remember we must teach ourselves to set aside our differences to come together. I wish to all of you to make peace with your family for many of them may not live to the next Ramadan.”
By Brianna DammsDear Younger me, I cannot begin to express all of the sorrow I feel for letting you down. I have caused you the biggest heartbreak from betrayal. I have allowed others to make us feel unworthy, incapable and unattractive. I have let their judgments dictate our perception of ourselves. Out of fear I have held us back from many opportunities and hindered our success. Fear of rejection has kept us in the shadows, and only let a few people see our true potential. I was not always the best judge of character, and many have hurt us. I don’t expect you to forget the pain I and others have caused you. But you need to let it go so that we can strive once again. It’s never too late to start a new life, use that pain as a life lesson. Go into the world with open eyes knowing that you are amazing. I love you and I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I promise to give us the life we always dreamt of, so the future will be great. Keep your head held high because you are strong, capable and beautiful. You don’t need validation from anyone. You are Wonder Woman! All of my love,
The New me |
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