by Giselle RamirezIf this letter makes it to the past, I want to ask for your forgiveness. I am you from the future. I will hate you for a while, but now I regret the days I called you stupid. I know now that you are not stupid, you were scared and that is okay. You are only sixteen, how could I have expected you to take care of a situation beyond your control? You did not have the strength or the knowledge at the time to understand the difference between love and abuse. You have not told anyone, not yet at least, but we both know you are hurting. I want to confirm your suspicions about his tantrums and his threats to self-harm. I want to assure you that his emotional wounds are not your obligation to seal. You will never be able to save him from his trauma, so do not let him blame you for that. You will not leave the relationship anytime soon because you do not know how to. However, you want to leave. But he won't let you; and it is not because he loves you. It is because he knows he does not have anyone else but you. However, you still care enough to not leave, but you also do not know how to navigate a situation like this, you have never been in love before. I’m writing this for two reasons. The first is to remind you that you are not at fault for any of his behavior and you are worth so much more than you think. Additionally, do not try to justify his emotional abuse just because you cannot see the physical scars. Do not try to make your experience less than others because you think others have it worst. You still matter. I want to assure you that you will be okay. I know you feel like this is as good as it gets, but that’s not true. Do not settle because he tells you are not good enough for anyone else. Trust me, you are more than enough. You deserve better and you should not let his insecurities get in the way of that. The second reason I am writing is to assure you that you are doing fine. Take a deep breath and enjoy your senior year of high school. You only get one senior year, so do not waste it. You will go to college, I promise, so stop worrying. I forgive you for spending all your time preparing for more work when in reality you will be more than prepared. You will make awesome friends and make many great memories. The last thing, I know you were worried about staying in New York and you were scared I would be upset with you. But I am not. I am very happy because you will have the chance to meet Him. He will remind you every day that you and your jokes are amazing. I know it sounds too good to be true, but he exists! So, follow these instructions, I will definitely never forgive you if you mess this up! I took too long to realize this the first time, so when you meet him do not hesitate. The Friday after you go to the museum, it will be raining, and he will walk you to the train station and agree to go to dinner. Forget everything and everyone else. Go to dinner with him! I am hoping that this piece of the future will let you forgive me more easily.
Love, Giselle Ramirez
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