by Henry CruzSociety has created many clichés to deal with any situation such as “that’s life”, “things happen for a reason” and even more vaguely, “forgive and forget”. But what does that necessarily mean to forgive and forget? Forgetting can easily be explained as not thinking about what happened. This is where explaining forgiveness becomes complex yet vital towards an individual’s feelings. Forgiveness means to accept. It means to accept one’s actions and mistakes despite the outcome of a situation. Forgiveness comes in two perspectives: being the forgiver and being the forgiven. To begin, the person who forgives is often faced with the burden of dealing with their own emotions while accommodating the emotions of the other person. People often say to forgive means being the better person which is another one of society’s clichés to bring false comfort. Sometimes a person does not want to forgive someone for a wrongdoing, which is fine but we are humans and we’re born with feelings. We feel angry, we feel sad, we feel happy, we feel betrayed but none of that is taken into consideration when a person is asking for forgiveness. In my opinion, I find it difficult to forgive someone if they have betrayed me or given me any false thoughts about them and the way they think of me. Although I can tell them I forgive them, it is not the truth. I find it difficult to forgive because sometimes I feel whatever their mistakes are, I would not have done to them as they’ve done to me. The best way I work around forgiveness is to replace it with isolation. Rather than “forgive and forget” I choose to move myself away from the problem and feelings. On the other hand, to ask for forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do. Comedian Emo Phillips stated, “I asked God for a bike but I know God doesn’t work that way, so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness”. Although he used this as a joke, I found it relatable. People ask for forgiveness when they make a mistake. Any mistake committed people want forgiveness right away. Wanting forgiveness comes after accepting the actions committed. In some ways, asking for forgiveness can be fine to ask for. For example, in a scenario where a person steals food from a supermarket. Although it is wrong to steal, the person might be stealing the food with the intention of feeding themselves and their family. Asking for forgiveness in that situation can be justified from good intentions. However, in another scenario where a person kills a crowd of people and then asks for forgiveness, it is not justified. It will be difficult to forgive what they have done because of the emotional pain that is embedded in one’s life. Forgiveness brings an emotional burden. Emotional pain is a long-term effect that does not have a specific healing period. One example I’ve had to deal with forgiveness is when I would fight with my brother when we I was about 8 years old. Sometimes, we would argue and say things that should not have been said and other times, it would get physical. In the moment, I feel like isolating myself from my brother. I do not wish him the worst but I don’t wish him the best because of how ugly the situation has gotten. However, I somehow find it in me to forgive him because of the role he has in my life. He is my brother that I can never replace. I justify is by thinking that’s what brothers do, they fight. At the end of the day, I have his back no matter what and he will always be my brother. Forgiveness varies. It is determined depending on who the person is and what the situation is. If it is a family member, oftentimes forgiveness can be justified and given because of the risks of not having a bond anymore with that person. However, if it is a friend, depending on how strong the relationship is, it determines if one is forgiven. Forgiveness is not easy. There has to be a specific time and place to ask for it. People often mistakenly ask for it right after a wrongdoing. The complications of asking for forgiveness is the feeling of not knowing what the person will say and the relationship after. I think the worst part is how the relationship could be after asking for forgiveness whether being given it or not. Does the person accept your apology? Do they accept your mistakes and forget? Or do they just accept it? Forgiveness comes in many perspectives that structure the bond between people. For me, forgiveness does not leave a relationship the same because there is always a doubt on the back of the person’s mind. We choose not to think about certain things, but when it does occur in our mind we choose not to speak about it in order to avoid any emotional pain.
I feel the phrase should go from “forgive and forget” to “forgive and accept”. To accept how the situation and relationship will be afterwards, to accept the consequences, and to accept with the feelings that come with forgiveness. It is easier said than done, but that is what makes us human. We contain all of these emotions that contribute to our decisions. When a personal matter is involved, our emotions are the pilot of our next move. Our emotions are so powerful that at times, we do not notice the outcome they have chosen for us. Forgiveness is not easy to ask for and not easy to give. It means accepting every factor of the situation. The significance of it is that it shows every person’s emotional strength to deal with this feeling. Personally, it takes a lot for me to forgive and it is not because I want to be mean, but it I find it difficult to accept every factor of it. How things will be afterwards is what scares me and makes me not want to forgive.
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