by Linda Cheriyan “How would you describe yourself?” is a common question asked in elementary school and middle school. Back then I would have described myself as “cute, bubbly, funny, and talkative.” Now I would be able to confidently describe myself as a feminist; in fact a proud feminist. Growing up in an Indian household was not easy, especially with an older brother everyone bowed down to. I desperately wanted to be like him; smart, athletic, and outgoing. The one thing stopping me was my sex. A female born into the Indian culture can risk her family to be impoverished by the dowry system and the damage caused to the family name. Although my family was not much like the stereotypical Indians, they were proud to have a girl, as I was the only girl in the entire family so they were happy. Living in a traditional Indian household my life consisted of gender roles and gender norms that I had to follow; “Get up when an elder man walks in through the door,” “Stop sitting with your legs up, it’s not lady like,” they’d say over and over again (or more like a broken record at that point). I mean, I was four years old, what did I know about being a lady or if I even wanted to be a lady at all? In India when my brother’s friends came over, I was not allowed to play with them because I was a girl. So I would watch them from a distance and feel jealousy and resentment within myself for not being born a male. I loved playing with my brother’s race cars, I loved playing in the dirt and walking around without a shirt. But all of these activities, to my surprise, were thought of as not lady like. I felt my childhood being taken away because of the gender roles that were imposed upon me every time I seemed to step over some “no longer a girl” line. When I was nine I remember asking my mom if I could join the school’s soccer team and without hesitation, she shut me down and said: “Sports are for men.” As young as I was, I felt angry, and wondered, "how could joining a team be considered manly? I questioned, “What’s the difference between a male and a female, what makes a man better?” I remember getting slapped for not obeying the rules and proposing these questions time and time again. When I was in the fifth grade, I witnessed one of the first physical fights between my parents. My father was furious because my mother was raising her voice against his, a taboo in my culture as a man is supposedly to be respected and treated as an almost “godly” figure. My dad did not feel masculine with his wife yelling at him so I guess he had to “put her in her place.” Anger constantly rushed through me as I realized how women were in no way equal to men. Sometimes, I felt sorry for myself and the other millions of females who are too afraid to speak up. Years later in the ninth grade, I asked my parents if I could go out with a few friends as I witnessed my brother going out the night before. They responded “a woman should not be roaming around, their place is at home, nowhere else.” I began giving voice to the questions that roamed around in my head instead, letting them out into in order to take up the silence. Fights broke out in my home, and my father was determined to put me in my place. But, I refused to stay silent any longer; I had kept myself shut for so long that this new power of having an actual voice felt so good. As I got older, my relationship with my father deteriorated because I always took a stand and insisted that I have a voice. The older I got, the more my father would bring up marriage. I thought to myself, my parent’s marriage was a bust, I will never submit to a man, and my rights will never be taken away. I began preaching feminism into everyone’s ear, not in hopes that they would become feminists, but somehow that they would eventually believe in the idea of gender equality and abandon the stereotyped ideas of gender roles. I wanted them to know how harmful gender shaming was, to do something to stop rape culture, and to turn around the idea that rape was a woman's fault. I spoke and spoke out in the hopes that maybe one more female would be unaffected by rigid cultural norms, a female who would no longer be too afraid to speak up. I did everything I was told not to do: I spoke against men even though I was told I was lower or less significant than them. But I made my voice higher because I believe I am equal to men and I deserved to have my voice be heard. I played sports precisely because it was not “lady like,” and it turned out that I was better than a lot of my peers even though I was a woman. I started picking at everything that’s wrong with our society, the imbalance between genders, the hatred woman face for not wanting be a housewife and especially the way in which people give more value to men and boys than they do to women and girls. I’ve heard many complain about having to grow up as a girl. And although I felt hatred and anger towards me just because I grew up a girl, I am proud to call myself a woman and even prouder to describe myself as a feminist. I beg to live in a world
Where there exists no murders, where there is justice being served Where there are no more paternal tears of having to bury their child. The world where... My color, Gender, Sexual preferences Won't matter. Where I can walk down the street Without getting cat called. Where I won't be blamed for the rape That was committed by a man filled with testosterones, But instead I am blamed for my choice of clothes, Drinking habits, And my outgoing personality that provoked a man. I want to live in a world where... Black Lives do matter Instead I'm stuck In a world filled with white supremacy, where the rich melanin of my skin does matter. In a world Where I don't have to beg for my human rights. I wish to one day see the world in colors Instead of black and white
2 Comments
Jerry Stone
2/23/2017 08:22:16 pm
Absolutely Courageous!! Learning about how you grew up is so touching to me because I can't imagine how it would have been to have courage breaking free from the traditional norm in your household. It's not easy for any women who is from a strong cultural background to express their own beliefs and stay devoted to making a statement. I've learned more about how woman in the same position took charge of their own lives and were able to succeed in helping others move toward their own ideas. This is an amazing article that speaks honesty, humanity and bravery!! I am very honored to have read this article!!!
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Linda Cheriyan
3/6/2017 11:09:33 am
Thank you for your kind words. It's moving to know my article has touched you, which was the same purpose I had in mind when writing this article.
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